Mommies get $15 haircuts while babies wear $50 shoes

I'm not complaining. this is one of the best haircuts that I have ever gotten -- and it was only $15! True, there was no awesome shampoo, no aromatherapy, no scalp and neck massage, but it was cheap and fast and not so bad at all. At least this is an easy "mommy-do" that doesn't require a scrunchie.

Good week around here so far -- I started my new job yesterday. I'm working as the personal assistant to the President of Olavie Skincare -- actually, he is the founder, owner and the head of both the marketing and sales departments but I think I'm going to like it. I'm not sure what I'll be doing on a day-to-day basis but it should average 20 hours per week and I can work some of the time from home. Ideal! You can check out his/our wares at www.olavie.com.

My Denver Health/CDC interviewer position will be complete on December 11 so this new job is a big weight off of all of our shoulders. Especially Jack's. He can't handle too much pressure...

Gearing up for a low-key Thanksgiving. We've got a lot of unfinished projects around here that I would like to have done by Party Day (December 6.) Not sure if we will get to all of them but if everyone continues to RSVP "Yes," no one will be able to see any of the house because there will be too many people in here! I think I went a little overboard on the guest list. I just never thought in a million years that everyone would be able to come...

Oh well. The more the merrier, right? With so many people flying in for this soiree I am hoping that Jack can manage to stay awake for at least some of his own birthday party. It would be pretty sad to wake him up from a nice cozy nap, only to shove a big cake in his face and expect him to perform for all of us. Now that I re-read that it gets me thinking. Why doesn't anyone ever wake me up with a big cake??

The 5 Most Useless Baby Gifts

Again, if you happened to give me one of these gifts last year, don't feel bad. We got LOTS of silly gifts. These were just some of the more ridiculous:

1. Baby wipe warmer: if your baby is already such a princess that she can't handle a cool or room temperature wipe you should return her immediately to your birthing center or hospital and ask for an exchange. The baby you took home is obviously too high maintenance...
2. Bottle warmer: Here's an idea -- run some hot water straight from the tap into a Tupperware or glass jar. $20 saved.
3. Baby shoes: Is your newborn walking yet? If so, call the National Enquirer. If not, socks are fine for 1o or 11 more months.
4. Bottle/cup sterilizer: Do you have a dishwasher? Use the top rack. Better yet, buy a $3 bottle brush and call it a day. Use the $50 you just saved to buy your kid a savings bond.
5. Peepee Teepees: Seriously? These are cute little party hats for your son's penis designed to keep him from peeing all over you. This gift seems like it would actually work, but for $12 it's much easier to use a wipe (not a warm one...) or a cloth diaper.

I'm sure that I'll come up with a much more extensive list. Give me time. I'll also make a list of the most awesome gifts that a new mommy can receive -- the gifts for which the thank you note is extremely heart-felt and not just a carbon copy of the other 3000 thank you notes she is writing. Believe me, you can tell the difference...

10 Things I wish I knew then that I know now

Photo taken 11/20/2008. 18 days before Jack's birth. The room wasn't finished, the birth plan wasn't written, I hadn't even had a baby shower yet! We were still finishing the install of our new wood flooring and I was just starting to think about what to pack in the bag for the hospital. A person can learn a lot in just one year. Here are some of the most important:

1. Elastic maternity jeans rule. Don't let anyone tell you anything different. If I could get away with wearing them now, I would.
2. Babies don't care what their rooms look like. They can only see 12 inches in front of them. It's okay if the nursery isn't perfect, doesn't look like a magazine shoot and might not be complete. There's always time. And, even if there isn't time, you will be spending most of your nursery time in the dark.
3. These are my top 5 useless baby gifts (in no particular order.) If you gave me one of them I don't mean to offend you, I just mean to educate others! Baby wipe warmer, bottle warmer, Peepee Teepees, baby shoes and bottle/cup sterilizers. More on this in a later post.
4. It is totally okay to nap when the baby naps. Even if the baby naps every 30 minutes.
   
5. Baby showers are boring for anyone that isn't the mommy-to-be. To all future shower hosts: plan something really fun for all guests and minimize the opening of gifts. Everyone will thank you for it. Except maybe the mommy, but she's already hormonal and cranky anyways...
6. DO NOT spend more than $10 on your baby's "going home" outfit. Your child will wear this precious garment for exactly 12 minutes or 3.4 miles (the distance from the hospital to your house) and then will promptly spit up and ruin it. Put your baby in a cute pair of PJs and call it a day.
   
7. You can never have enough time or enough money to have a baby. If these are two major reasons for waiting to procreate, find 2 better reasons. Try improving your relationship/marriage or training your dog not to jump, bark or lick. Now those are the really important things to work on!
8. Don't try to hang out with other people's babies before your little angel arrives. You might think this is going to be great practice, but you will either get totally freaked out and wish you had never gotten yourself into this or you will learn tricks that only work on that particular baby and you will be totally discouraged when they don't work on yours.
9. Be nice to nurses. In particular, the overnight shift workers (would you want to help someone pee at 3 a.m.?) and ANY NICU nurse. Also important? Your anesthesiologist -- he/she can and will be your best friend.
10. Don't listen to all of the great things that other moms and dads say about their babies. Most likely, they are only trying to make themselves feel better about their child that won't sleep, won't eat, won't stop crying, etc. by bragging about the one thing their kid does well. Their lives are just as difficult as yours. It's just different. And that's okay.
    

Last year -- to the day!

This photo was taken last year, November 20, 2008, while Gdad (Jack's Grandpa, my dad -- it's his moniker choice!) was visiting to help finish up Jack's room. If I remember correctly, Gdad put together and took apart the crib twice thinking there was no instruction manual, only to learn that it was printed on the crib's bottom when he was almost done. The crib turned out beautifully no matter how long it took to get it right!
It's amazing how much can happen in just 365 days...

It's 2:50 p.m.

It's 2:50 p.m. Jack sleeps. Yippee. I'm too drowsy to celebrate right now. I could use a nap too, but I have to leave for work in less than one hour. A mother's work is never done. Sleep tight, Jack!

10 Things that Jack does instead of napping

This is sweet little Jack. It is 2:17 p.m. Sweet little Jack should be napping. Instead, sweet little Jack is:

1. Screaming at the top of his lungs as if someone is poking him with a sharp stick.
2. Banging his hands on the top of his bookcase SO hard that the baby monitor shakes and it sounds like an earthquake is occurring right in his room.
3. Sniffling so pitifully that even the hardest of hearts (think Grinch) would be melting.
4. Luring mommy in by launching his beloved fuzzy seahorse over the crib rails and then screaming because he has nothing to snuggle with. By the way, over the monitor this action sounds like Jack has tumbled head first onto the floor and I fall for it every time.
   
5. When mommy finally succumbs -- snuggles close, smiles at mommy for saving his life and then proceeds to bite mommy.
6. Laughs at mommy when she says "NO!" and then, once sensing that she might be serious, begins to cry.
7. Excess snot from crying leads to nose wiping which brings more tears, more snot and more Kleenex (are you sensing a pattern here?)
8. Once calm, nurses for a few seconds, appears to be ready for sleep but then eyes pop open 3 inches from the crib mattress.
9. Flails uncontrollably from one side of crib to the other as mommy leaves the room.
10. Re-launches seahorse, squawks like a cat in heat, which leads mommy to the "secret" cabinet where the gin is stored...

2:23 p.m. Jack is still crying. Publishing this blog post then going downstairs for Round 3. Wish me luck!

Jack's big day in the snow

Jack decided yesterday that snow is not so bad after all...
A cool new sled made all of the difference! We got about 10 minutes of racing around the front yard before Rob took a turn a little too fast and Jack face planted in the snow...that wouldn't have been so bad except when we got him out of the sled I decided to get a few more beauty shots with the camera and I plopped him down in the snow and then he started to cry. I'm not sure if this makes me a bad mommy, but I kept clicking the shutter to make sure that I got enough photos before a total meltdown. To my credit, the photos turned out just fine and I then scooped him up to get him inside to warm up. To me, that's the best part of all of this cold weather -- I get a lot of extra snuggle time with Jack, curled up under a pile of blankets.
Happiness is...

Jack learns how to "spoon"

We've been working on this for awhile but it's taken a lot of perseverance on our part and a lot of floor mopping (and dog licking) to get it right! I'm still waiting for Jack to learn how to use the spoon as a catapult to splat his food into my face but I'm sure that will come soon enough. Jack still needs some practice so that every meal doesn't take 45 minutes but we're very proud and thought we would share some footage with you. I know you'll find the video incredibly gripping!

Favorite foods continue to be yogurt, toast, any sort of crunchy puff or cracker, black beans (the spicier the better) and sweet potatoes. Grilled ham (like on a breakfast platter) is a new favorite along with vanilla cookies from Earth's Best. These are delicious, by the way, if you happen to be looking for a new treat! We're still trying out textures -- Jack doesn't seem to be a big fan of anything that isn't easily mushed -- but his likes and dislikes can change like the weather. I thought that his new tooth acquisition (we're up to 8 now) would widen his options but he seems to be a creature of habit.

Never mind the coffee filter on Jack's head. Rob needs some entertainment sometimes and it doesn't take much to make him happy...

Reflections on our busiest year ever...

There are two pages in Jack's baby book where Rob and I can each write a letter to Jack. Both pages are empty. I have started writing a letter about 20 times but I just haven't seemed to be able to finish one. I'm not sure if it's the lack of sleep or the fact that I have lost all of my "big words" by spending my days with someone who doesn't speak, but I need to buckle down and cross this project off my to-do list. I'll start here with another of my famous Top 10 lists to get my brain cells firing again.

Top 10 ways my life has changed since Jack joined our family

1. I can now get ready for the day in 15 minutes -- flat!
2. I have left the house with vomit in my hair, spit up on my clothes and drool on my face more times than I can count. This is a huge change from my former self who wouldn't go to the grocery store without lipstick.
3. I have taken more pictures this year than I have ever taken in my entire life. I have paid Shutterfly to print up 99% of them. I have 6 photo albums of our family pre-Jack (17 years) and 5 photo albums of our family post-Jack. I don't know if this is sad or funny...
   
4. My entire "cool" music collection is gathering dust but I now know all of the words to "Here We Go 'Round the Mulberry Bush," "The Itsy Bitsy Spider," "Rock-a-bye Baby" and "Five Little Monkeys (Jumping on the Bed)."
5. I no longer have cable TV. I used to love TV. A lot. Now, I watch more Sesame Street than Jack does. I am also asleep most nights before the prime time shows are over. Sometimes before they even start...
   
6. I now have an entirely new group of friends. Some of my old friends (sans kids) just don't get it, others have moved away and the rest of them want to stay out past my bedtime.
   
7. Rob and I used to have long, lingering dinners during which we talked about anything and everything for hours. Now, I eat a sandwich standing up while Rob feeds Jack his dinner and tries to eat his own sandwich in between Jack's bites of pureed sweet potatoes and yogurt.
8. I don't work anymore. And by that, I mean that I don't get paid anymore.
9. I haven't seen the inside of a gym, a movie theater or a "real" restaurant in 11 months. That's got to change!
10. Even through the spit up and the lack of sleep and the tears and heartbreak of leaving Jack at the hospital for almost 4 weeks, this has been the busiest, most exciting and most wonderful year of my life. I wouldn't change a thing and I can't imagine life without him.

Things we have done to baby proof our home...

Here is a list of things we have done to baby proof our home and another list of safety gear that I refuse to buy even if the books, magazines and experts tell me that I have to...

1. Gates at the top and the bottom of the stairs. Jack holds onto the bottom one (see photo) and shakes it so hard that I am afraid that he will pull the entire gate out of the wall. Maybe I should buy him a small, tin sippy cup to bang on the bars?
2. Cushioned corners for the coffee table, TV stand and CD holder. Jack likes to bite on them. Rob has me worried that Jack will now bite off and choke on the very things that are supposed to be keeping him "safe."
   
3. Safety covers for every outlet in the house. Jack never cared about the outlets until I "decorated" them. Now they are a baby magnet! For me, they are just a pain in the ass. I spend a lot of time taking them out to vacuum or to dry my hair. Safety? Yes. Convenience? No.
4. Drawer and cabinet locks. For every drawer and cabinet. I now spend approximately 1 hour per week unlocking the safety locks to get anything out in the kitchen or the bathroom. Big time waster.

Safety items I won't be purchasing (even if it puts me on the "bad mommy" list):

1. Toilet seat lock. The door is always shut to keep Sophie from eating cat litter. Problem solved. $30 savings.
   
2. Spout cover for the bathtub. Jack never bathes alone. $10 savings.
3. Baby spoons that change colors to show you that the food is too hot. I have a better idea: Taste the food yourself! $5 savings.
4. Door knob covers. If these are anything like the outlet covers, Jack will become obsessed with doorknobs instead of ignoring them like he does now. He can't even reach the doorknobs yet! $20 savings (we have a lot of doors.)
5. Washer/dryer locks. If I am such a lousy parent that I somehow don't notice that Jack has been missing long enough to have locked himself in the washing machine then I should probably re-evaluate my parenting skills. $20 savings.

I am sure that there is a huge list of safety gear that I am forgetting to mention or that I have completely blocked out of my mind. Hopefully we have done our best to make our home a safe place for Jack to play, to eat, to bathe and to sleep and that will just have to be good enough. And, if not, I just saved $85 that I can use to buy some more outlet covers.

Remember this sweet little boy?

So do you remember this sweet, angelic, perfect baby? Well, while nursing this afternoon he bit me so hard that I bled. So much for sweet, angelic and perfect... I have said in the past that I would do anything for this little boy but I may have spoken too soon. The books say that you are never to cry out in pain if this happens because it could frighten your child so much that it brings on a hunger strike. 30 minutes ago I was wishing that I had never read any mommy books because a 2 day hunger strike would give me time to heal! I'm really hoping that this was a one time thing because I was shooting for 12 months of breast feeding but I don't know if the "girls" can take much more abuse! Poor kid must be working on the gigantic molars right now because he looks absolutely miserable and the teething toys just aren't doing the trick anymore. Finally got him down for an overdue afternoon nap a few minutes ago after listening to him make sounds that weren't quite human for a full 15 minutes. I am currently enjoying the fact that Jack isn't using the icy teething apple right now so I can hold it on my throbbing breast. At least someone is getting some relief!

Had a good morning/early afternoon at Strollercize with the mommies. Lots of people I have never met before and I'm not even sure that they are members of our group. They may have just attached themselves to us -- like barnacles! I'm sure they are wonderful women, but it has taken me a long time to get comfortable with the core group of mommies and I just wasn't feeling very welcoming today. We have just finally started talking about "real" things -- like books, movies, what we did pre-baby and dishing about the daddies but we seem to be back to breastfeeding and teething discussions. I know this sounds a little like the pot calling the kettle black since I just spent a full paragraph bitching about nothing but breastfeeding and teething, but this is my personal venting space so I feel entitled.

Listening to the monitor now -- Jack is calm and sighing. Joy to my ears. I'm going to go outside and enjoy the 70 degree weather for a little bit longer and try to forget that I'm probably still bleeding...