Things I Learned on My Summer Vacation by Jack Siders

1. TV is better than books. Doesn't taste as good, though. You don't get to watch TV on vacation. You get to watch Grandparents. That's better than TV.
   
2. Meatballs are yummy.
3. Boobs are useful in many ways, but especially useful on plane rides.
4. Crawling is WAY easier in big suburban houses than it is in small, cramped city abodes.
5. No pets means no giant fur tumbleweeds to pick up and put in my mouth (a lesson for Mommy!)
6. Traveling is no big deal when Mommy packs everything I own into one small bag.
7. Most people on airplanes are nice to babies. Even when we cry.
8. Flying direct is for babies. Big boys make connections. Even if they almost "lost" my stroller, and by "lost" I mean "sent it to Miami."
9. We get better seats on the plane when Mommy looks wan and frantic and begs the gate attendant for mercy. Yay Mommy!
10. Visiting family can be exhausting but I hope we get to go to it again soon!
    

Perspective. It changes everything

No, this is not a giant baby. This is just a photo taken from GG Denny's floor while Jack was debating whether to crawl back over to the fireplace to lick the glass, or as we like to say, "kiss the baby!"

Jack is having more fun than he looks...

Jack's first trip to the Toledo Zoo with Mom and Dad, GDad, Grandma Marcia and Bob. Jack had a good time -- even if it's not evident in this photo. Interesting sights today -- including a tiger stalking and catching and eating a bird visiting from the "outside." Haven't ever seen that before! It also appears that Jack is scared of really big fish that seem to swim right at him thru the glass. Also noticed that most women in the Greater Toledo area still seem to perm their hair. And, men seem to really enjoy wearing shorts that are a little too short. Just a few observations from an "outsider."

Capped off the day with a visit to the infamous Tony Packo's for lunch. Jack missed the whole affair due to an impromptu nap. Missed out on the yummy hot dogs and his first shot at macaroni and cheese. This restaurant is always on the must-do list for Rob and I whenever we are here. I'm sure there are better hot dogs in the world and there are definitely nicer restaurants, but this one always seems to be a crowd pleaser.

It's very nice to be "home" -- even if Toledo hasn't been my home for almost 20 years.

Everybody? Meet Jack. Jack? Meet everybody!

After a daunting day of travel thru Dallas to Detroit via American Airlines and a car ride to Toledo we finally settled in for our relaxing week of visiting with friends and family. Jack was surprisingly good on the plane -- I had been dreading that first trip for months. I was afraid that he would be "that baby." You know the one. The crying-so-much-that-I-am-gasping-for-air-while-I-get-my-second-wind-so-I-can-scream-some-more baby that we have all sat behind or in front of or next to on at least one plane ride in our lives. Thankfully, he was mostly quiet except when we were descending. Mostly, he was just bored. It's very hard to make a baby that has just learned how to move around fairly well stay quiet and happy in your lap. I didn't have to learn it the hard way, but after 4 legs of air travel, I am still not sure how in the world I would change a diaper mid-flight. That info is not listed on the safety card. Jack's favorite toys en route? The airsick bag, the headrest in front of us and Mommy's hair. Interesting fact? You can no longer get the cool set of gold wings with a pin to attach to your child to honor his first flight. Now there are only stickers. Pins are weapons. How sad is that?

Just in case you forgot...

This is a photo from 12/21/2008. How quickly things change. I
just can't believe that someone this little and alien-looking turned
out to be our Jack.


Photo taken 8/20/2009. Yay baby!

Now, why do I buy toys again??

Okay. So Jack's favorite chew toy/teether/whatever you want to call it
is an old remote to a TV that we don't even own anymore. He loves it.
This leads me to believe that I shouldn't buy anymore toys because I tend
to think they are much cuter and more fun than Jack does. Maybe I'm
really buying them for me??

Other favorite "toys" in our house:
Empty paper towel rolls
A plastic mixing spoon
The real remotes (not the play ones)
The real phones (not the play ones)
My keys -- incidentally, the key fob doesn't work anymore.
Do you think that GM will cover drool under the warranty?
A comb
An empty saline solution bottle
An upside-down laundry basket
Any newspaper or magazine

This is what TV does to a child.

Now, I'm all for interactive play and we do it as much as we can but
sometimes a mommy needs a break. We've got these awesome DVDs
from a band called They Might Be Giants -- 123s and ABCs. I love them.
Rob loves them. Jack is obsessed with them. I don't know if it's the cool
animation or the catchy songs or what but, I swear, Jack stares at the TV
screen with his mouth hanging open and he doesn't blink. Not once. Even
if I try to move him away from the TV before turning it off he will whip his
head around to continue watching. I'm not sure if the leading child
educators would approve but all I'm saying is GOD BLESS They Might Be
Giants. Ten or fifteen minutes a day and I've got my sanity back.

10 Things that made their way into Jack's mouth this week

1. A dustbunny the size of Montana
2. Daddy's yucky sandals
3. Mommy's yucky flipflops
4. The vacuum cord
5. His own feet
6. Sophie's feet
7. Lucy's tail -- he tried for her feet but she's too fast!
8. The tires on the stroller
9. Every remote control we own
10. A Netflix return envelope (amongst other mail...)

Jack's afternoon

12:05 p.m. Wake up from morning nap. Scream for 5 minutes.
12:10 p.m. Diaper change, new clothes, lunch is ready. Still screaming.
12:11 p.m. Mommy offers yogurt. Screaming stops.
12:12 p.m. Yogurt gone. Yum. Jack throws spoon on the floor.
12:13 p.m. Sophie licks spoon. Mommy draws the line and doesn't pick up
spoon. Mommy gets a new spoon.
12:20 p.m. Chicken, yogurt and banana/plum/grape combo mostly in Jack
but also on Jack.
12:25 p.m. Lunch dishes cleaned up. Jack's 3rd clothing change of the day.
12:30 p.m. Blanket out on floor. Playtime has begun. Mommy has turned
off sound on all noisy toys. Jack bangs rattle on table instead.
12:45 p.m. Jack makes first of 10 trips around the coffee table.
Jack forgets to move legs as he moves arms. Jack falls down. Jack cries.
12:46 p.m. Mommy shakes rattle. Jack smiles.
12:50 p.m. Mommy wants to read books. Jack does not. Jack chomps on TV remote.
1: 00 p.m. Mommy decides it is time for fresh air. Time to apply sunscreen.
Jack is not happy.
1:05 p.m. Stroller is packed with blanket, 6 toys, apple snacks, water for
Mommy and juice for Jack, diaper bag, phone and keys
(both for Jack to chew on.)
1:10 p.m. Arrive at park. Find nice spot near the little kids' playground.
Shoo away rabid-looking squirrels. Arrange blanket and all toys.
Settle in for a nice afternoon.
1:15 p.m. Jack would rather climb on stroller than play with toys.
Our nice area is sullied by a homeless man peeing on a tree.
Homeless man walks away. Play area is nice again.
1:30 p.m. Jack swings in the playground. Every time he swings backwards
he throws his head back and laughs. Mommy laughs too.
The day is salvaged.
1:50 p.m. Jack and Mommy play peek-a-boo 12,000 times.
Every time is funnier than the last. For Jack, not for Mommy.
Why did we teach him this game?
3:00 p.m. Arrive home. Mommy anticipates a Jack meltdown.
Circumvents this by offering boobs. Works like a charm.
3:15 p.m. A nap would be great right now. Jack says no.
Jack knows that his eyes are bloodshot, he can't stand up and
he looks like he has been on a 3-day bender but still fights it.
3:30 p.m. Mommy tries for "quiet time." Jack would rather
arch his back and almost fall out of the rocking chair.
Mommy gives up.
4:30 p.m. Stroller ride to pick up Daddy from the train.
A fresh pair of arms would be nice right now.
Jack is in charge of the keys. Keys are yummy.

Jack says "Take THAT, Parents Magazine!"

Apparently, Jack thinks that Parents magazine is for
wussies. Real parents wing it. Real parents take
everything in stride and don't go running to a periodical
for advice. Jack rips up every issue of Parents that he
can find. Don't worry, it's safe. They use vegetable-based
inks for printing and there are no staples. I checked. Not
sure if that makes me a real parent or not. Maybe just an
overprotective one. Parents magazine told me to check for
these kinds of safety hazards...

Jack tries to escape and other amazing adventures

So this is what I am dealing with all day...

I put him down in one spot and then, before I know it,
he is somewhere else. In the span of 5 minutes this
morning he was under the dining room table, climbing
the entertainment center, trying to pull up using the dog
for leverage, chewing on the floor mat in the photo above
and banging on the front door (to be let out? Who knows?!)

A lovely morning nap followed by a few hours at the park
where (I am pretty sure) no foreign bodies made it into his
mouth. But, there was a near-miss with a ladybug...

***Foul language alert -- not for the faint-of-heart***
While at the park, two boys who couldn't have been older than
7 or 8 passed us on the path and one of them asked me, and I
quote, if I liked big dicks. Imagine my shock and horror! I didn't
have a witty comeback -- my sarcasm is usually lost on the under
12 set -- and I'm sure my mouth was hanging open as they both
ran away, giggling their butts off. This got me thinking that I would
like to exchange Jack for a nice, well-mannered little girl. Or,
perhaps I could lock him in the house until he is 25. Or Super Glue
his mouth shut? Any other ideas? Maybe I'll just stick with good
parenting...

A Morning in the Life of Jack

4:00 a.m. Jack wakes up and realizes he is on his tummy
instead of his back. Screams for help.
4:01 a.m. Mommy comes to the rescue. Jack sees
Mommy and decides that food is needed
NOW!
4:15 a.m. "Breakfast was awesome, Mommy. Let's
play now!"
4:20 a.m. Mommy resigns herself to the fact that
Jack is not going back to bed. Mommy
drinks large caffeinated beverage and
turns on every light in the living room to
simulate daylight.
4:25 a.m. Play. Play. Play. "No, Mommy. I don't like
that toy anymore. Get out another toy. More
toys! More toys!"
4:26 a.m. Almost every toy Jack owns is out on the floor.
4:30 a.m. Done playing with toys. Much more fun to
chase the cat.
4:45 a.m. Stands up and creeps along coffee table. Forgets
that both hands are needed to keep him up. Falls
into coffee table. Cries. Pulls on cat's tail. Laughs.
5:00 a.m. Diaper change. Clothing change #1 due to drool
overload.
5:15 a.m. Breakfast #2. Peaches and oatmeal. Yum. Jack's
hands are covered with peaches. Offers hands to
Sophie for cleaning.
5:30 a.m. Mommy washes Jack's face. Jack cries. Mommy
shows Jack "the baby" in the mirror. Jack is happy.
5:45 a.m. Sophie's first of 25 trips outside today. Sun is finally
coming up.
6:00 a.m. Weather Channel check to determine the day's activities.
6:15 a.m. Mommy picks up all of Jack's toys. Jack is happily chewing
on a mixing spoon. Mommy sighs and wonders why she
buys toys.
6:20 a.m. Jack eats cat fur that he found on the floor. Mommy
pretends not to notice.
6:30 a.m. Jack repeatedly seeks out the electrical outlet that Mommy
and Daddy baby-proofed with outlet covers. Jack never
noticed the outlets before Mommy and Daddy "decorated"
them with shiny white plastic things. Mommy says no.
Jack laughs.
6:45 a.m. Apple juice is yummy. Rice cakes are not.
7:00 a.m. Big yawn. Breakfast #3. Jack and Mommy nap in the big
purple chair.

Coming soon to a blog near you: Jack's Afternoon, Jack's Playdate and
Jack's Bedtime Fun

Jack isn't scared of his shadow

For exactly one hour each day there is a perfect
rectangle of sunlight on our living room floor
courtesy of the 2 skylights. Jack spent over 5
minutes looking for the shadow baby -- searched
behind the TV, behind his exersaucer and near
the stairs. Totally confused but very curious.
Then, Sophie goofed up all of the fun by laying
down on that exact spot and "squished" the
imaginary baby. Bad Sophie.

Jack takes a few minutes off of Mommy's life expectancy

Okay, so we're getting ready for Book Babies at the library and we're
sitting on the bed -- like we always do -- and Sophie the dog walks by
-- like she always does -- and Jack decides that he must have her,
must touch her, must be with her THIS SECOND! He lunges at her
and before I can even comprehend what is happening I have only
grabbed part of a toe and Jack is on the floor. He landed on a comforter
that was balled up on the floor (so thank God we don't ever think to
make the bed) but that didn't stop the tears (his and mine.) I tried to
calm him down for a few minutes before calling Rob to let him know
what had happened and that I was going to go check for broken bones
and for brains leaking from my little boy's ears before we took off for
the pediatrician's office. No blood, no bruises, nothing broken except
Mommy's spirit. Jack checked out okay at the doctor and now weighs
an even 18 pounds so, based on weight, that means that we've been
under dosing him every time we give him Tylenol for months now --
no wonder teething has been so terrible!

We didn't make it to Book Babies but we had a great rest of the day.

God -- I didn't know how responsible I was going to feel when anything
bad happens. I didn't know it was going to be this hard! I'm going to
have to learn to put on a braver face when stuff like this happens so
when Jack turns to me to decide how he is going to react I'm not looking
like my heart has stopped. I hope it gets easier but I'm guessing that it
only gets tougher from here.

So does this really make me a bad mother?

Okay, so we went to a moms' group meeting today
sponsored by Happy Baby organic baby food. 10
babies and their mothers (and one dad) plus the two
of us. Neither of us was wearing anything remotely
organic, we hadn't eaten anything that we had grown
with our own two hands, we didn't drive to the park
in a hybrid vehicle and -- here's the rub --
Jack was the only baby wearing disposable diapers.

Oh my gosh. The horror! The horror!

I don't know why I hadn't noticed this before. We've
been to lots of activities with these same moms (and
one dad) and I've never felt singled out. It probably
would have been a non-issue but I had dressed him in
Calvin Klein denim shorts (I know...so cool!) that are
still WAY too big for him and they kept falling down,
putting the offensive Pampers on constant display.
No one said anything, but I know what they were thinking.
I might as well have pulled out my store-bought bong
and passed it around the circle or started drinking
from a Styrofoam cup. What a horrible mother! What
kind of world does she want her baby to grow up in?!

I make our baby food (for the most part) but I just
can't seem to bring myself to wash diapers. I don't
even handle it very well when a little bit of poop
ends up on my hands! Oh well, they seem to like me
anyways so at least I'll give them something to talk
about at the next Mother Earth meeting.

Otherwise, it was a great day and we did get lots of
good information and a bag of free stuff. Free stuff
makes up for ill will in my book.

A little bubbly anyone?

Another stellar day in Denver. 80 degrees
and sunny. Spent the morning at the
library and then off to splash in the bubbly
fountains. This is really as close as Jack has
gotten to a swimming experience so he
takes what he can get. Off to Tokyo Joe's
for lunch where I learned that babies love
noodles and teriyaki sauce. Who knew? So
much for not spicing the baby food purees.
We'll have to start broadening his food
horizons. Last night with Noni visiting so
I'm sure I won't even get to touch my son
until she leaves tomorrow morning.
Grandmas can be so greedy!! : )