Why isn't there a Universal Remote for babies?

While watching Jack walk around the living room with our Universal Remote in his mouth, I started thinking, "Why isn't there a Universal Remote for babies?" This led to a brief discussion with Rob about the functions of this remote and what a super-duper-schmuper idea this was!

The features of the Baby Remote would be as follows:

Pause: Baby freezes in position just long enough for Mommy to locate the digital camera to capture this perfect moment in time -- this will come in very handy when Mommy has to look through 2 purses, one diaper bag, a few drawers and eventually, the backseat of the car, to find the damn camera.

Record: Baby's milestones are saved for all to see. This will be wonderful for showing all of Jack's most awe-inspiring moments (Jack picks his nose for the first time, Jack bites the dog's tail, Jack sets the correct time on the VCR, etc.) to friends, family, neighbors and even to people I meet in the grocery store checkout line!

Sleep: Most TV remotes have a sleep timer, so it seems logical that the Baby Remote would have one as well. Think of all of the wonderful naps (in 15 minute increments) that Jack would have enjoyed over the past 14 months if I had only had this button to press. I really wish I had this remote right about now, as I just spent 35 minutes fighting with a very tired baby to get him to go down for a long-overdue afternoon nap...

Rewind: "Hey, everyone! Look at the wonderful parlor trick that we just taught Jack! He can juggle 2 pacifiers and the cat at the same time!" Enough said.

Also useful for those times when Jack does something amazing for me during the day when Rob isn't home to see it and then, no matter how hard I try, I can't get Jack to re-create the skill when Rob gets home. Either Jack has forgotten what he did or he is trying to make me look like a big, fat liar.

Fast-forward: Useful at those times when a tantrum is in full-swing, when we are stuck in traffic well-past nap time and during horrible baby illnesses like ear infections or the stomach flu.

Warning! Do not overuse this function or your baby will be 17 years old and applying to colleges before you know it and you won't be able to find the remote (since it is buried in the sofa) to press the rewind button.

Play: I don't really think that I need this button on my personal Baby Remote, but some parents of docile, compliant babies might appreciate this to give their child a little "get up and go!" Jack doesn't need anymore "get up and go." Jack needs a little more "sit down and read quietly to yourself while Mommy naps."

I really think that I might be onto something here. Fisher-Price, are you listening??