Things that this SAHM is not allowed to do

I know I can't speak for all stay at home moms, but here are some things that I am not allowed to do:

• Get sick. I have no idea what single parents without family back-up do in this situation, but I had to have Rob stay home from work to watch Jack so I could sleep for 18 hours straight.
• Plan anything! Just when I think I have Jack's nap times under control, he throws me for a loop and I (and everyone around us) have to suffer through a major meltdown in Aisle 5.
• Enjoy a 3 hour beauty shop appointment. I haven't been in for a "real" haircut or color in 14 months. Great Clips doesn't count. Neither does a recent mishap with a box of Loreal Feria "Tortoise Shell" haircolor. I can't seem to find 3 spare hours to sit on my butt while someone else does the work, nor can I find the $150 every 8 weeks to make it happen.
  
• Shop smartly. I know that I have a growing boy to provide for, but do you know how hard it is to shop from a list, read labels, shuffle coupons and compare prices, all while trying to push a cart containing a baby that is turned around almost backwards in the seat, singing "LA LA LA" at the top of his lungs in your ear??
• Get to the gym. HA! I can go before 5 a.m. (before Rob goes to work) or after 5 p.m. (when Rob gets home.) The only times I have been up before 5 a.m. in the past year involve a hungry baby and by the time 5 p.m rolls around I am so worn out from the day that washing my face seems like a work out. Guess I'll have to trust the $7/hour day care workers at my gym and suck it up and go during the day.
• Wear earrings. Naked earlobes are really a must when you have a boy that is constantly poking his finger in your ear (human Q-tip?) and pulling hair, ears and whatever happens to be attached to them.

I think there could be weekly additions to this post. There are lots of things that SAHMs are allowed to do, but that list wouldn't be as funny...